Letting go is difficult. It’s the damndest thing feeling everything so deeply. Some of us struggle to find the meaning and purpose in the midst of grief. We begin to doubt that life has any point outside of the pain; a bottomless pit that you’re not even sure you want to climb out of. You begin to believe that dying would be easier than having to pick up the pieces of yet another broken mess. You grasp to try to discover the meaning and lesson behind the situation. When you’ve been in this predicament many times, you begin to think you must be running out of teachable moments. Surviving seems to become your life-long mission. Maybe that’s why happiness is so overwhelming; you know it is temporary. You saturate yourself in the moment and get every ounce of it so that when the storm hits, you can fight through it. Fighters aren’t born, they’re made.
Questions I don’t have the ability to answer flood my thoughts and wreak havoc on my restless state of mind in the wee hours of the morning. My body implores me to rest, but my soul aches for answers. So begins the battle within myself; silent and all smiles on the outside, shattered and sobbing on the inside.
The only conclusions I have are these…..I can continue to be shattered or I can get up off the damn floor and pull myself together. It’s a choice; one only I can make. I can give someone who doesn’t deserve it the power to cause my own destruction, or I can let it become another moment of strength and perseverance. There are always going to be highs and lows and this is not the lowest I’ve ever been; not by a long shot. I’m better than this, stronger than this. I no longer am willing to accept that my destiny is a sea of pain and brokenness. I alone am the author of my story, not the slew of people who have chosen to treat me like a doormat. There is better than this and it’s up to me to stop settling for the leeches.
Love does not come with the condition of convenience and it isn’t just some feeling that creeps up on you in the heat of the moment. You’d better have a solid foundation to stand on when your feelings deceive you, because they will. Sometimes people just refuse to give and only take. They are famous for the old, “it’s not you, it’s me” bullshit. The truth is we are all flawed and imperfect. It isn’t so much that someone deserves better than you. The truth is that they deserve better from you.
Don’t become angry and vengeful over the takers; pity them. For they will never experience life and love the way it was intended to be experienced. They will always be the ones who are left feeling unsatisfied and miserable; like something is missing. It has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with their own demons. There is absolutely nothing wrong with walking away from people who have done nothing but rob you of your happiness and bleed you dry time and time again. For too long I ignored the signs that it was time to write the closing chapter for this story. After months of reflection and some time in solitude, I discovered peace and the ability to let go and turn the last page.
Happiness starts from within. The chance of happiness comes with every new day. Being happy has nothing to do with your circumstances or the situation you are in. Rather, it has everything to do with your perspective and how you choose to view the world around you and the people and relationships you invest in. Happiness is a lifestyle. You have to commit to whatever lifestyle you choose and make your choices and decisions based off that commitment.
So begins a new chapter in a new book….